So, little while ago, I went to a friend's birthday
party.
And while I love my friend, he
hangs out with some people I normally wouldn't be around, and of course they
were there, at the party.
Their conversation was obnoxious at best, and at times, it
got simply vulgar.
What bothered me most
was their apparent enjoyment of making rape jokes.
I was just sitting there, feeling extremely
uncomfortable, while a good three quarters of the party laughed uproariously
because someone thought it would be hilarious to insinuate that, because some
girl was attractive, she'd better not go off by herself, because someone might
get bored and come after her.
Or some
guy tripped over another, and therefore he must have been trying to “rape”
him.
Et cetera, et cetera, you get the
picture.
You’re probably wondering why I just didn’t get up and do
something about their behavior right then.
Normally, I'm a very outspoken person, and I don't really mind telling
people what I think. (I mean, obviously, I have a blog, for goodness’ sake.) I
wish
I could have found the courage to say something, to tell them to stop, but at
the time, it was something much easier written than said out loud.
In the middle of a situation like that, I
don't know
what to say.
How do I explain why it upsets me so much
without crying, or punching someone, or making everyone in the room afraid to
ever talk to me again?
How do I explain
that I know what rape is actually like, first hand?
How do I show someone they are forcing me to remember
something I'd do anything to forget? How can I explain that making a joke about
rape to my face makes me feel dismissed and dehumanized all over again?
How do I help someone understand that it
makes me feel like my body, my thoughts, my
self,
are being laughed off as unimportant?
Do people realize what that can feel like, to never be
totally secure?
To be subconsciously, or
even consciously, deeply ashamed, like you’ve got a terrible deformity that
always causes you pain, one you’ve got to keep hidden away, because you’re
afraid that the people around you will be disgusted, or pity you, or never be
able to look at you the same way again?
To have something so precious taken away from you, to make
sex, something that should be wonderful, loving, special, into something ugly
and painful.
To never be able to be
intimate with someone, never talk about sex, without an all-too-familiar twinge
at the back of your subconscious.
Rape is not, has not, and never will be, something
funny.
It’s not amusing.
It’s NOT a joke.
I guarantee you that you personally know someone
who’s been raped, whether they’ve told you so or not, and when you make fun of
something so horrible and violating, you are hurting that someone on a deeply
personal level, and you would never even realize.
When you make a rape joke, you are becoming
part of the culture that makes being raped such an awful, long-lasting,
negative influence on someone’s life; our whole society makes survivors of rape
feel like no one is listening to them, or cares about them, that they are
somehow less deserving, somehow at fault, that THEY are the ones who have committed
a crime. And that is just wrong, on every possible level.
I really don’t think most people are aware of how disgusting,
how
hurtful they are being.
If they truly understood, and had the
opportunity to take to heart what I have told you now, would they make a joke
about rape?
I don’t think they would.
*Note: remember that what I have written here is
based on MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE with rape.
If you feel like I’ve left something out, or you have something
different to add, please, by all means, tell us all about it.
